How much do you listen to your body?

I recently spent a week at a Bali Detox retreat and whilst I won't say it was all enjoyable it was a very meaningful experience and reminded me of some important things we forget easily in our sped up Western World. Firstly I had lots of time to reflect - just that, time to reflect. Yes I practice meditation and yoga, yes I walk in the bush every day, yes I prioritise exercise and avoid the bombardment of mindless TV and radio. However what was still so shocking for me was my busy mind. Without any numbing devices or distractions including food I had to experience the pace of my own mind!!!! Amazing treatments every day, and my own ability to be with myself helped me bring myself back into my body and calm my mind. Engaging in creative processes - writing and drawing helped!! And yet the busy-ness was there!!

The real question though is how do we maintain a connection with our bodies in our version of a normal life? Lovely as it would be to go to Bali every few weeks to keep balance, it is not realistic for most of us. Many articles and research point to a cluster of strategies that help - breathing, exercise, meditating, consciously stilling the mind, talking out our repetitive neural feedback loops ( the stuff that goes over and over in our heads), any creative processes that engage the right pre-frontal cortex in healthy expression; appreciation and gratitude practices, conscious expressions of loving kindness and compassion.

However I know my biggest focus needs to be consciously tuning into my body many times a day. I spent much of my growing up years learning to live outside my body, so it really takes practice to inhabit it. Just as you might have a wander around your house picking up rubbish, noticing cracks or jobs that need attending to, creating a lovely, nurturing, safe and enjoyable environment that reflects who you are (hopefully), so does the body need that attention and so does it reflect who we are. I am really valuing the work of Dr Gabor Mate, especially the lecture on " When The Body Says No - Caring for Ourselves While Caring for others." With his medical background and his psychotherapy focus he astutely argues for an understanding of how from the moment of birth our attachment patterns and other ways that shape us emotionally, especially trauma, create a body blueprint that reflects us back. A simple example is that when we learn to suppress our needs and feelings as children to please others we also suppress our immune systems - do this thousands of times over decades and we have the right conditions for chronic illness. The typical environment for most people who work and raise children and try and get ahead in their lives rewards drivenness and numbing. They are practices we often simply don't notice. When you are working at your computer are you tuned into your body or simply ignoring and numbing aches and pains? How many of us live with a low grade feeling of anxiety and guilt that you are not doing enough, being enough that pushes you to ignore your needs and your body and do more, more, more........

I recently read Dr Libby Weaver's Rushing Women's Syndrome. The reason she focuses on women, is because women over the past fifty/sixty years have embraced the belief that they have to compete and succeed in a traditional man's world, without really letting go of many areas that are still considered Women's work. The results at the level of the body are not pretty. Cortisol and adrenaline hijack women's bodies to the point where drivenness becomes the last bastion of survival, which of course feeds the problem. And what about the expectations on kids......I live in a middle class environment where the bar is very high regarding what kids need to be achieving out of school, let alone in school...... most people believe with good reason that the thing their kids want more of is access to technology (if you are a parent who puts limits on this and I hope you are). A recent fascinating study showed what was more important to kids is fun time spent doing activities with their family. No surprises really...... the truth is that if we are not connected with ourselves it is hard to really be there for others. If we are numb and exhausted and stuck in busy mind and driven by lists of things we have to do then we will not be in our body. And that is what we are modelling for our kids, our work colleagues, people we can make a difference with. I don't want that to sound like a beat up - I struggle with these things too but I keep re-setting and am getting better at it. My responsibility to my clients is to live the best life I can for myself which enables me to be more present for them.